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“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn.” -Sylvia Plath



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911 state your emergency

YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD

911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN

YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS

911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER

MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.
Signal boost

YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ

TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING
911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.

yes 911 hello all these people are crazy
omg white people

Plays: 37,270
How to make your dreams come true:

cloysterbell:

1. Make a graham cracker crust.

2. Make some cookie dough.

3. Make some cheesecake batter.

4. Put globs of cookie dough in the cheesecake batter.

5. Pour into a springform.

6. Top with more cookie dough.

7. Bake that shit for 40 minutes at 350 degrees fahrenheit. If patient, go to next step. If you don’t give a fuck, skip directly to step 9.

8. Let chill in fridge for 3 hours or overnight. 

9. EAT THAT BITCH.

(via f-shst-cks)

lordjaysus:

sallynopants:


One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

get it girl

z snap
urhajos:

‘Songbird’ by Tang Yau Hoong
s-k-e-t-c-h-e-d:

(via imgTumble)