Every time I see a post by a Nice Guy, it’s always the same story. “I was friends with a woman, and I had feelings for her, and instead of returning my feelings, she ran off with a string of hot skeezy assholes and left me to sit on the sidelines.”
Here is a thing I’ve hardly ever heard a woman say: “You know, I was friends with this guy and he just kept dating all these other hot, slutty chicks instead of realizing that I was standing right there. All guys are insensitive and unfeeling assholes, and I’m too good for them.” And I don’t think that women don’t say that because that never happens. It does happen. It’s happened to me. I’ve been friends with guys and had feelings for them that they didn’t return. It happens to everyone.
But here’s the difference: instead of thinking that there is something wrong with the guy we’re pining/lusting after and that he might be a dickhead (which may well be true), women are taught from a very early age (in a way that men are absolutely not) that the problem is internal. “Five Ways to Make Him Notice You.” “Are You Sending Off the Right Signals?” “Wow Him in Ten Words or Less.” Women are absolutely INUNDATED with the message that male attention is something that we must earn and then fight to keep, and if this is true, then I think I realize your problem, Nice Guy.
Men are not inherently deserving of female attention.
Let me repeat that for you, just in case you missed it.
Men are not inherently deserving of female attention. And similarly, women do not always WANT male attention. Women OFTEN do not want male attention. If your advances are unwelcome, that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. (Though to be honest, you seem like a dick.) I know the media has convinced you it’s true, Nice Guy, but women do not constantly crave male approval and validation.
I was out with my family one night and a male friend of mine was trying and failing to get the twist-off cap off a bottle of beer, and when I reached over and unscrewed it for him (because he is an idiot), my aunts and mother all looked at me with a certain level of concern in their eyes and said, “That’s not something you’d do if you were out at a bar, is it? Or with someone you were dating?”
Firstly, as I’ve mentioned, I do not spend all of my time hoping that the guy across from me is going to want to fuck me. Secondly, anyone who is intimidated enough by me unscrewing his beer is not really someone I feel the need to spend an extended amount of time with. And thirdly, if unscrewing his beer is a dealbreaker, there’s a whole shitload of things about me I guarantee he isn’t going to like. But I think maybe you’ve been secretly hanging out with my older female relatives, Nice Guy, because they seem to think (as you do) that I am trying to please you all the time.
Spoiler alert: I am not.
There’s a certain level of women’s behavior that is always expected to be performative, to be for the benefit of others; specifically, to be for the benefit of men. But I have never heard a guy internalize his romantic frustration in the way that women are taught and encouraged to do. And that’s so gross to me, the notion that women are inherently wanting and men are inherently deserving. It’s gross to me, Nice Guy, that you are comfortable enough with your misogynistic, bullshit entitlement to utter it out loud, where people can hear you, and that you would expect me to give any kind of shits about whether or not I’ve hurt your feelings.
It’s gross to me, Nice Guy. You’re gross to me, Nice Guy. And that’s just one of the many, many reason why I will not fuck you.